A letter to the broken-hearted.

All around the world, we are all affected by the pain of loss. In many forms, everywhere, no one is immune. A few of the most beautiful people I know are feeling the pain of loss, in it's different variations. This letter is for them.

To my broken-hearted friend,

Oh my love. I know the pain runs so very deep. I can feel your pain running through my veins, deep into my own heart. It is beating strongly for you, whilst your own is in recovery.

We can get through this together. Whilst your pain is your own, I can remember my past pain too. And it hurts. Deeply.

Have faith in knowing that it will pass. This pain will carve a path in your heart, but over time it will heal to become a light scar - a part of your journey and an important mark in shaping your future-self.

You are strong. You are brave. Don't be afraid, for there is nothing to fear. The future is bright and the best is yet to come. But only if you take the plunge now. Show your strength, Bring out your bravery. Put yourself on the path. Be open-minded. Be open to "the new". Not now. But later. When you are ready.

You deserve more. Believe it and it will happen.

xoxoxo

The Wedding 'Mare.

As I sit here munching on my hot buttery raisin toast and earl grey tea, I realise that the 5 month mark has slipped by me without even realising. By 3 days to be exact.

It is this fact and the fact that I didn't realise, that makes me realise that we are on that downward roller-coaster ride to the wedding day. What also solidified this realisation was the start of the wedding nightmares.

This started happening last week - when my subliminal mind must have been trying to tell me that the countdown had begun - as I awoke in a panic realising that I had just lived out my wedding day without any head wear or ceremony decorations. To top it all off, no one ate the cake. The panic set in.

I am reluctant to subscribe to the constant countdown to the wedding day, as this can instil worry, panic, anxiety, pressure, nightmares or all of the above. The pressure that we all put ourselves under for the sake of ensuring it is the most photogenic event ever, to top cousin Bethal's $100k wedding on Hamilton Island with dolphins delivering the rings to the shore*, is getting out of hand.

However, although I am trying to be the 'cool, calm and collected' bride that I would like to be, I am not immune to the wedding nightmares.

The lists of tasks not yet completed, the decisions not yet made, the millions of ideas to sift through and discuss of yet another Pinterest board will definitely reek havoc on your sleep content.

The fact that most wedding guests don't take home their 'gift' or can't recall the flower arrangements on the tables does help to refocus our energies on areas that will actually enhance the day without spending hours or money worrying about the finest details - that will be forgotten in an instant.

I have it on good authority, and from my own experience, that guests always remember the dress, the food, the music selection, that funny moment the flower-girl farts mid-ceremony ** and whether there is a free bar or not. Sometimes the wedding cake is forgotten and left uneaten! As a lover of cake insert - Shock! Horror! here.

What I am constantly trying to remember is perspective. The reason why we are getting married and the journey that it has taken to get us both here.

Having met my gorgeous fiancé in South America, reconnecting in Australia, kidnapping him to Asia, meeting the family back home in England and then jetting off to live in Australia, we realised very early on in our relationship what we wanted our end goal to be. There were so many chances to back out and it would have been easier to do so, but we both know that we would have missed out on an incredible lifetime of happiness.

I think it is a telling sign that the hardest part of a relationship in our situation, is the situation itself, as being together is the easiest part.

So with that in mind it is now 4 months and 27 days until W-Day and I should get back to that list. Just for the record, the chocolate cake will be cut and it will be eaten in multiple slices (and that's just for me!) as nothing says "I love you" more than fabulous cake.

I am sure there will be many more wedding nightmares (like knocking over the wedding cake just like I did at my Mum and Step-dads wedding***) but if that happens, just wake up and make another hot buttery slice of raisin toast with a cup of earl grey tea - but this time, for two.


Much love xoxo


*disclaimer - I do not have any cousins, definitely none called Bethal and this is not a suggestion on how to utilise dolphins in your own wedding.

**disclaimer -This did actually happen at a friends wedding. And it was pretty funny.

***disclaimer -This also happened. Luckily the solid royal icing saved it.


Ps - Thank you for all your kind words of support for my last blog post. It is greatly appreciated and your insight has given me great inspiration for your appreciation.

Fitness + Food = Fabulous!

For those of you who know me well – you will know that the Fitness element of this equation doesn’t really resonate with me.

I am not a natural athlete and have always had the fortune of not having to worry about it. Hence the teenage sleepovers where chocolate gateau featured in every meal and I could get away with ice cream for breakfast every now and then.

As I approach the impending W-Day and my 28^th birthday, I have come to realise that , without even noticing, that I do not have this luxury anymore.

I know that some people reading this will be surprised, so I shall enlighten you with a few fast facts:

-          Although I am not large, I put on 7 kilos in a few months without noticing.

-          At my heaviest I was 65kg.

-          I only noticed when I saw a photo of myself.

So, in a bid to overturn my life and create a long-term, sustainable healthy lifestyle – I joined a bootcamp.

Now I was always one of those people who would walk past a bootcamp (obviously in the evening as I am also not a natural morning person) and laugh at how silly everyone looked, how some of the girls were all dressed up in their best pink gear and why everyone there wasn’t fat?

Now I know. Bootcamp is not what you think it might be. It is not all full of fat people as I once mistakenly thought. It is not also full of pink gym gear (cue moi in a Primarni green tank top and $5 Big W shorts). But most importantly, it is not about paying someone to shout at you.

Whilst there is a market for these bootcamps, mine is about support. Everyone there – of various shapes, sizes, ages and backgrounds, are there for their own personal reasons. Reasons that are not shared, because essentially it doesn’t matter.

There is a mutual understanding and support for the tasks completed and the effort input. Everyone is at a very different fitness level, and everyone has very different motivations.

Motivation is important when you are waking up at 5am twice a week, in the dark, to walk 30 minutes to the bootcamp, an hour of intense working out, a half hour walk back and then get into the routine for work.

My motivation? A photo of myself on a beach in the Perhinthans in Malaysia – a moment in time when I felt my most free and beautiful. A moment I would love to feel again.

However 6 weeks in, I have noticed the dramatic changes.

-          I have become a morning person and started exercising a little most days a week

-          I have already lost 1.5kilos and maintaining a healthy weight

-          I have already lost cms around the middle

-          I have started the nutirion overhaul program to keep track of my food intake

Which leads me nicely onto my next topic – Food.

I live in Melbourne and I love food. It almost sounds like an AA confession!

Melbourne has some of the most fantastic food – from a real range of cultures and for all budgets. This is in addition to the amazing coffee that sustains the city and fuels the creativity.

So it is a tough challenge for me to be on the nutritional overhaul with my bootcamp. Essentially, it is keeping a food and exercise diary to establish healthy eating patterns, to gain nutritional advice and to assess how much and what you are eating.

It is fascinating as although I have always been extremely healthy in my adult life (the cake and ice cream for breakfast episodes were in my younger days) and I enjoy making healthy choices – it does help reign in any unnecessary snacking and unhealthy habits.

For example – all those work birthdays where there is always some kind of cake/biscuit/sugary treat – where I would always say yes and take a slice and inhale it before we have even began the celebratory signing. The unforeseen situations where food is offered and to have the will power to say no thank you.

It is actually making me rethink and have the strength to do so (full well knowing that come W-Day I am going to tuck into our glorious chocolate cake!) so I can transition into the Fabulous phase.

I am starting to feel much more fabulous than flabulous now that the wibbly bits have been wobbled away in strength and cardio training. The vision I have in my mind of myself being slim, toned and tanned in my hens and honeymoon pics are well on their way.

The trick is to keep it up in the cold winter Melbourne months which are shortly on their way. No big hidey flabby jumper for me this year! (That’s how a winters trip to Prague, New York and Christmas got out of hand before coming to Australia).

So I guess this is the positive impact that Australia is having on me. Whilst I coul do this anywhere, being in a country that is much more outdoor and fitness focused, it does makes you feel less silly and more inclusive. Plus I really wouldn’t get up on a winters day in London to go outside and crawl around on the ground doing push ups and burpees at 6am. Oh no siree.

Whilst all of this is a goal towards the wedding, they are also training for life-after-wedding as well. Shock, horror! A fitness plan for a newly wed! Usually its all about the wedding day and afterwards its all about the red wine and cheese on the sofa.

The wedding is a goal and the start of my new life as a wife. I will definitely relax more after the wedding and enjoy those wine and cheese nights, but maybe low-fat cheese and just a glass of wine will do the trick. 

Muchos love as ever xoxo

Ps - I couldn't upload my plant pics for the update but the chilli is going rather well!