Greeting the Grey.

This ones for all the grey ladies out there.

I found my first grey hair. On my wedding day. Coincidence?

I'm not sure. Wake up call? Not right then, I had other things to think about.

Now - absolutely.

But not necessarily with age. Obviously, as we get older, it's a part of the natural ageing process. And I'm OK with that. And I know that some people get greys early on - much earlier than me. That's OK too.

But judging by my other family members - I don't believe it's down to age, not right now anyway. My Dad's side of the family are all very dark haired and my Chinese Grandma didn't go grey until she was much older. I remember the day I realised that she was going grey and that she was getting older. And that was a strange realisation in itself.

It's a simple, common, modern day killer. Stress.

It doesn't discriminate, but it does get you - without you even realising it.

Where does all this stress come from? A variety of factors including:

• Work
• Wedding
• Finance
• Homesickness
• Career Prospects
• Unemployment Periods
• 'The Future'

What I have come to realise is - it's not worth it. What the point in feeling the tightness in your chest of anxiety because you are overworked and underpaid? Doing yet another 12 hour day and being paid for 7, and still not getting any sleep, because work has claimed the other 12 hours of your day too.

I'm not complaining, mind you, as I have made these choices and everything has bought me up to this point - which is amazing. Moving forward, I hope that it enables me to make smarter decisions, so I am not always working harder and being able to 'let go' of all the things that you can't control.

And maybe this will help keep the greys at bay for a while, at least until I feel old and wise enough to have earnt them.

Much loves xoxo

Wedding reflections and jubilations.

Three months after my last post, I finally feel ready to sit down and write about the wedding.

Which is funny for a few reasons. Firstly, most of my regular readers enjoyed the day with us, having been an integral part in sharing our special and intimate day. Secondly, the opening sentence is not consistent with the 'wedding tone'. 

I think that this post is something that other brides can appreciate and understand. I kind of think that it's unavoidable in this day in age.

The wedding day itself was a surreal bubble of euphoric love, happiness, romance and intimacy. Never in my life did I ever think that those emotions and overwhelming feelings of euphoria existed, let alone would be experienced. I always assumed that it would be "the happiest day of our life" because that's what you are told by you're happily married friends, acquaintances, magazines, blogs etc. 

Although that description might seem more chick flick than reality, it is surprisingly true. The wedding day surprised me in so many ways, including my own emotional reactions to everything, everyone and how something so simple and traditional, is actually ingrained with meaning, commitment and emotion. All the cliches were there - the excited/nervous jitters, the room a blur with familiar and loving faces, the moment our eyes met and didn't move from each other and how everything, everyone disappeared as it became a moment just for us.

I realised that everything I had been worried about pre-wedding, I didn't even notice on the day. With reflection and hindsight, yes, but not on the day. Looking back at the wedding day was also surreal, as there is so much of the day you don't remember clearly or even experience. A lot of the wedding is for your guests to enjoy as being the main 'hosts', you don't actually have a lot of time to experience all the details, games and hard work that you have invested into making the day 'you' and 'special'. Funny that really.

I have come to realise that the wedding was a beautiful, amazing and life affirming if not slightly traumatic experience. The stress and pressure you put on yourself to make everything perfect and keep everyone happy is incredible, and it snowballs towards the wedding day, not away from it. I considered myself one of those 'carefree' bride-to-be's of which I can acknowledge now I certainly was more controlling than you like to admit about yourself. It certainly has taken reflection, review, time out and the start of a new chapter to admit that some parts of the wedding planning process, I handled quite badly.

It's a crazy situation really. I found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, we planned a day that was going to be fun, full of awesome people, great food and beautiful backdrops. I just didn't feel that during the planning process it was going to be very 'me'. I became so invested in planning the wedding that I almost felt disconnected from it and it was like it was happening to someone else. No one can prepare you for the emotional roller-coaster that is getting engaged, planning a wedding, being a bride-to-be, being a hen, being the bride and then finally being a wife. There is no guidebook, no rules, and no amount of advice that will really hit home until afterwards. I found my perfect man, in an imperfect situation but we still make a perfect couple and it was still a stressful experience.

There is so much confusion and emotion in this process along with stress, anxiety and worry that romance doesn't seem to come into it. The amount of time and money and stress invested into this 'perfect day' seems crazy and we questioned many times whether it was going to be worth it.

Whether or not your pre-wedding experience is positive or not, if you are marrying for the right reasons, then the answer is a simple, "Yes. Of course".

Because again, this is true. 

In my previous post you may remember my anticipation of the moment I came down the stairs, into the ceremony, on the arm of my Dad to start the ceremony. 

The morning was frantic and disappeared so quickly. Nerves and excitement make you a bizarre person as no one can prep you for how you will feel this day. The moment that my beautiful girls and my Dad saw me in my dress was priceless. The jittery feeling of "its showtime"as the music starts and the girls are already walking gracefully and perfectly down the stairs.

The moment that my Dad takes my arm and we have an intimate and special moment between us, as he supports me emotionally and physically through the walking down the stairs. The moment I see all my girls in their beautiful dresses, holding their gorgeous homemade bouquets, eyes welling up, all big smiles that can't hide their love for me. The moment that makes me realise that I am physically shaking and welling up myself. The scan across the room to see a blur sea of smiling, happy, loving faces from around the world - a surreal experience where people you never thought would meet sit side by side, sharing in the glow - not being able to pick out one face from another, but knowing that you know and love them all.

That perfect moment where you're eyes meet his and they are magnetically locked into each others gaze. That moment you realise that the day is finally here, it is really happening and the rest of the world seems to disappear.

Follow this with the realisation of how much love there is for you both through the heartfelt and emotional readings from both siblings - everyone getting choked up and involved in the intimacy of that moment.

The moment where all these words are said and reciprocated and you didn't realise that these were your words as you're head is floating on a euphoric cloud that makes everything slightly hazy. The rings are on, the first married kiss and the moment he lifts you into the air as the most precious and loving gesture. Pure happiness and elation as the moment sinks in and we both raise our hands and cheer that the planning is over, we did it and to celebrate with our closest family and friends from around the world. 

The important thing to remember with wedding planning that it is never going to be perfect, and it shouldn't be. Life isn't. I'm sure that marriage isn't either. It is how you handle the situation that will effect how you feel about it. On the day itself, I was overwhelmed. With love of course. But also actually overwhelmed. An experience so strange in itself its hard to identify. But with love, logic and clarity it is important to ride the wave and enjoy it for what it is. With all my stress and worry - I realised that the day was actually the most perfect day for us. It was intimate, personal, special, fun, beautiful and we did all the things we wanted to and shared it with the most important people in our lives. The was very 'us' in every sense and everyone basked in our love because we were so open about it.

Have things changed? Do I feel like a wife?

Yes and Yes/No.

The truth is I have never had the "I'm a wife" moment, because I have felt committed to our relationship for a long time. We made the decision to make it work and we have. The marriage element felt inevitable at some point really. But emotionally, yes things have changed. Little indescribable things that won't make sense unless you have experienced it. The joys of being able to say "my husband" and to proudly call myself "a wife" - not very feminist but being a wife through choice makes a difference I think. I am happy to be a wife and a good wife and know that we have a long and happy life to share together.

And in case you were wondering, we did wake up the morning after, overlooking the sea in my hometown and did share an English Breakfast with two of our closet friends. We shared coffee and cake back at our reception venue to relax and reminisce  and caught up with everyone for more chocolate mudcake and to hear all the different wedding stories. We enjoyed an excellent degustation dinner as our first as husband and wife, and fell asleep in each others arms, exhausted but happy and ready to start the rest of our new life together.

Image by Rebecca Douglas Photography: www.rebeccadouglas.co.uk

To everyone that shared our experience in every form, we can't thank you enough for all your love and support.

Love always xoxo

Final flying thoughts.

This week has been pretty surreal. Alongside the wedding nightmares of my wedding venue being held inside a shopping centre with sick staff and my mum wearing a neon orange 80’s taffeta dress and my Australian nightmares of being trapped inside a house which flooded with jumping crocodiles and super quick sea snakes, we are also preparing to depart in 2 days, back home.

It’s been a strange year. I think every year that passes is getting quicker, and stranger. Maybe as you get older, your capacity to deal and cope with things becomes better. I have definitely mellowed out in this year – which is the complete opposite of most brides.

And of course, we are heading back to get married. That’s quite a big one I guess. The planning and preparation definitely feels big – as we discussed with friends over coffee at the weekend, it feels like we have been talking about the wedding for ages. It has been just over a year and a half and around 1 ¾ years from engagement to wedding. Which I think should be fairly average these days – give you a chance for it to sink in, do your research, figure out what you want and then save for it. And in our case, a big factor was allowing the Australian side time to plan their own trip to come over.

And on this note, I am extremely humbled. We have had an excellent response from the Aussies to come over, with only a few people unfortunately unable to attend. It was always a huge ask and we are grateful to everyone who put the time and effort into considering it as an option. Plus we will have a big Aussie party to celebrate – bring on the chocolate mud cake!

I was chatting with my Dad on Skype at the weekend too and telling him just this. Even though our overall guest list is small (just under 70), we have both been blown away by the excitement, love and generosity that everyone has shown us already (and we are not even there yet!). From the engagement parties last year, to the amazing messages, cards and thoughts before we have left – the wonderful conversations, support and advice – the complete support from all of our family and bridal party – the cost, the time, the effort that everyone has gone to ensure that they can be there on a Thursday (sorry teachers!), in the UK and be there to see us tie the knot.

I know I probably won’t comprehend this until the wedding is over (in the blink of an eye I am told!). But as I have mentioned on here before – I am most looking forward to seeing both of our worlds collide. In the best way possible, I already feel married as we have both made the commitment and sacrifices required to ‘prove’ that to each other – the wedding is an amazing opportunity to get everyone together, to celebrate how lucky we are, and to make it official.

For me, the strength of our love is really reflected in the love that we have around us.

And this is what I am most looking forward to:

 Walking down the steps during the ceremony with my beloved bridesmaids – best friends and sisters- being given away by my Dad (the best man I have ever met with the groom being the only exception!) – looking down at my husband-to-be to see him smile as he sees me for the first time – and then looking across the room to see the sea of faces from many lives, lifestyles, countries and see all the love that we are emanating come back straight at us – for us.

This is the moment that I am most looking forward to in our 9 week trip. Closely followed by the moment that we wake up together as Mr & Mrs, share a kiss and start looking at the photos from the day before – overlooking the sea in my hometown, with an Earl Grey Tea and a full English Breakfast. Then the rest of our lives can begin.

Melbourne coffee snob.

I remember the days where the smell of coffee didn’t do it for me. Instant smelt like burnt, bitter water and fresh was like a punch to the nostrils. It was after my 6 month residence at an art school in Barcelona that I became partial to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee.

Thick, dark, creamy with a hit that is more satisfying than any other hit. “Cafe con leche, por favour”. This is how I became a fan of coffee.

However, I was dismayed at the “coffee” that could be found back at home in the UK. I remember when you’d meet up with uni friends over a “coffee” at Starbucks of Costa. With all the creams and syrups and marshmallows galore. To think that I thought that was coffee.

Flash forward 6 years to my current residence in Melbourne – the home of the flat white and a million pop up coffee stands. There seems to be a new cafe, a new coffee opportunity on every corner, with more and more opening every week.

Side street sitting, coffee vans, takeaway rushing with the business man, slowly sipping, never spilling, different roasts and different blends in the many hidden laneway gems, steaming, frothing but never bubbling, skinny latte to an elegant chai there is a coffee for every eye. Turn a corner, another blend, the Melbourne coffee never ends.

Melbourne is a place for serious coffee drinkers. Where school kids pick up a takeaway latte on the way to class and every other person has their own ‘Keep-Cup’ to save the environment whilst they enjoy their tri-daily brew. Because one is never enough.

There are so many cafes and so much coffee that my daily strong skinny latte doesn’t seem to make my heart skip a beat anymore. However, not being a born and bred Melbournite, I am not quite the hardened coffee snob that many of my colleagues are – forgoing the free work coffee machine (an actual coffee bean grinding, espresso making, with hot steamer supplied – just like in a cafe) to choose to pay for their $4 coffee from an actual barista. (In Australia you have to be a trained coffee barista to serve coffee in a cafe. It’s actually quite an art and a popular career choice amongst hipsters. No judgment!)

I am surrounded by coffee snobs – and I have become one! I can now taste the difference in the various ‘brews’, whether that be from Ethiopia or whether it is the popular local St Ali blended roast from St Kilda. And I can definitely taste a bad coffee. It’s a personal choice and an art –just like tea, except it’s easier to make a bad coffee I think.

I like my coffee:

Latte: (Daily choice and go-to-coffee)

-           Strong (double-triple shot)

-           Skinny

-           Hot (but not burnt)

-           Medium-large (a small just isn’t small enough

Macchiato: (After a big heavy dinner following desert and red wine)

-           Strong single shot

-           Skinny froth and a tiny bit of hot milk

-           Hot (but not burnt)

-           Single expresso size

-           Half a teaspoon of natural raw sugar

Flat White: (Very occasionally as a switch from a latte)

-           Strong

-           Skinny

-           Hot (but not burnt)

And on that note, here is my personal list of coffee favourites in Melbourne so far:

Go get one here:

-           Brother Baba Budan – Melbourne CBD

-           Verve Spice – South Yarra

-           Dukes – Windsor

-           Beans and Blooms– South Yarra

-           Globe – Prahan (now changed hands)

-           Little Mule – Melbourne CBD

-           Grace – Fitzroy

-           French Fantasies– South Yarra

-           Padre – South Melbourne Markets

-           Claremont Coffee - South Melbourne Markets

-           Old Barber Shop Cafe – Richmond

-           The Bunyip Cafe – South Melbourne

-           Cafe Sweethearts – South Melbourne

-           Gas – South Melbourne

My not-so-favourites:

-           Drugstore espresso  - South Yarra (not my kind of blend – too citrusy for me)

-           Pillar of Salt – Richmond (terrible service – don’t even bother at the weekend)

-           Tivoli Road Bakery – South Yarra (amazing  bakery but average coffee. Get the croissants though!)

-           Chez Drez – South Melbourne (nice enough but too busy at the weekend where you have to queue in a wait line at the weekends)

Riding the Rollercoaster.

As I am fast approaching the grand old age of 28, I have come to realise that the 20’s decade is a beautiful but rickety rollercoaster that you have to ride. When you first got on it, you really wanted to, but as you see the end in sight, you’re pretty glad to get off.

 

When you first enter your twenties having come out of the other end of the angsty teenage years, the twenties seems bright and fresh and full of hope and possibilities. 

You go to university, meet lots of new people, stay up all night partying and then doing a chocolate run during exam/exhibition time. You meet lifelong-friends, some meet their future husbands and wives and you then you enter the adult world a bit exhausted, but excited and full of knowledge – raring to kick-start your career and achieve all those ambitious dreams.

But at the (nearly) grand old age of 28, I don’t feel that I have it all figured out quite yet. Or even nearly figured out at all.

 

Fast forward a few years and it’s time to reflect on what happened.

 

Time apparently sped up to the point where you have become one of those people that says, “doesn’t time fly” and “I can’t believe it’s (insert month here) already!” and finally, “ I don’t know where this year has gone”.

 

I haven’t been in a ‘career’ job for longer than 1.5 years and have racked up a fair few places on my CV as I move from place to place – always searching for ‘that place’ that I can call home.

I have gained lots and lots of transferable skills from 1 industry and have learnt what and where my ‘line’ is with regards to work, the workplace, people and stress. And then I took on a new role and actually learnt it.

 

I watched Masterchef Australia the other day where one of the 28 year old contestants was called ‘brave’ for discovering what he really wanted to do – even though it was a little late in the game. 

Like we are supposed to have it all figured out by now.

 

And according to the ‘olden days’, in your twenties you are supposed to have:

 

-       Become educated/learn a trade

-       Get a job/career and that is just ‘what you do’

-       Find a partner

-       Buy a house

-       Start a family

That seems like an awful lot to me! Of course it doesn’t take into consideration that a lot of people travel these days, change careers and actually don’t even end up doing what they spent thousands studying. Yay for the recession!

 

A few weeks ago – all of this really bothered me. I have a little bit of a meltdown thinking that I was the only person in the world riding this rollercoaster. 

From the outside, it always seems like everyone else has it together.

 

It seems like most of my friends have their careers on track and in a good place – something of which i am still envious of as I struggle to figure out whether the last 5 years in my industry have been any good for me and whether I can continue or want to continue down this path.

 

However I know the grass is always greener. I have met the love of my life who I will proudly call my husband in a few months time and I have also travelled around the world twice and have experienced many things that my peers have not.

 

During this period of uncertainty, I spoke with a very close friend of mine back in the UK who had just started a new and exciting role and explained how I felt and all of my worries about not having achieved the things we are supposed to.

 

She said, “Do you really think we have it all figured out? I don’t have a clue what I am doing and I don’t know where I am going. I’m just doing it”.

 

And was  my final loop of the rollercoaster. I had overcome my fear of the unknown and my uncertainty of the 20’s to sit back and appreciate where I am right now and to relax as this decade comes to a full stop and you can finally lift that heavy bar from you and step out into your thirties having achieved some of what you wanted to achieve.

 

And as I step off this rollercoaster ride knowing that veryone else on it is feeling the same, I can’t help but wonder what ride of ‘unachievements’ I’ll choose to get on next. And that’s the exciting part.

An almost 2.5 year Australia Mythbusting Fictional Review with the English Rose.

The differences between Aussies and Poms:

Aussie	English
Doona	Duvet
No worries/mate	That’s ok
She’ll be alright	It’ll be ok
Struth!	Goodness!
Dag	Unfashionable/Goofy/Naff
Stubbie	Bottle of beer
Stubbie Cooler	Beer holder/cooler
Choof Off	Leave/Go
Outback	Desert
The Bush	Forest/Woods
“I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck”	“I’m really hungry”
Bottle-O	The Offie
Chips	Crisps
Hot Chips	Chips

Q- So, when we think of Australia here in the UK, we think about all the sharks and spiders and snakes..how do you cope with that?

ER – I live in a constant state of fear under my doona...Not really. To be honest, people are much more dangerous than all of these creatures. Especially if they are drunk. Even more so out in the bush. Red alert if the two are combined. Or silent rhinos. They are pretty dangerous too.

Q- But I thought all of these creatures thrived in hotter climates? Does this mean that Australia isn’t hot?

ER – Yes and No. I mean yes to the poisonous creatures thing and Yes and No to Australia being hot thing. It’s both. In different places at different times, or in the same place at the same time. Confused? Visit Melbourne in Spring or Autumn. A little known fact outside of Australia is that they have a ski season with mountains and snow and stuff like that. The concept of cold also differs in each state. In QLD below 25 degrees is cold. In Victoria it’s below 10 degrees.

Q- Do Aussies and Kiwi’s sound the same?

ER – Actually, no they don’t. Whilst I never used to be able to tell the difference, my ears are now finely tuned to heat the nasal twang of the Aussie accent, which is in stark contrast to the tinny Kiwi accent. No offence to either.

Quick-fire round.

Q-Everyone surfs?

ER – No. No they don’t. As stated previously, it’s not always hot. And not all places are sea water – aka the beach – and some of these aren’t even surfable as they are more like swimming bays. A safe haven for foreigners like myself.

Q-Everyone is tanned, buff with sandy blonde hair (like a surfer?)

ER – Yes, yes they are! Jokes. Unfortunately not. That would be nice wouldn’t it? Again, unless you live on the GC (Gold Coast) or live permanently on Bondi Beach then it’s just not true. A few exist, but the majority have jobs. Fast-fact – a large percentage (can’t remember what) of Aussies actually have a Vitamin D deficiency due to working in a n office all day and not laying naked in the sun. It can kill you here anyways.

Q-Yowzas. What about kangaroos?

ER –Well, they do exist. They just aren’t everywhere. At least they aren’t in the cities. You don’t see them crossing the street or catching the tram. You’re most likely to see them on the side of the road. Or in a zoo.

Q-And koalas?

ER – See above.

Q- Do people actually play didgeridoos?

ER – Buskers and in aboriginal shows generally. It’s not a widely practised art, unless its making money it seems.

Q- Can you through a boomerang?

ER – Of course! I don’t think it would come back though.

Q- What famous stuff have you seen in Australia?

ER – Erm, I saw a few famous bits when I was backpacking here such as the Great Barrier Reef and the Sydney Opera House. This time it’s been more of a ‘local’ trip. I can direct you to get a great coffee and tell you where the bus goes...however I have seen some ‘big stuff’ which is semi-famous in and around Oz:

·          Big Sphynx

·          Big Ayers Rock Petrol Station

·          Big Merino

·          Big Banana

·          Big Koala

There are many more.

But we are going to Ayers Rock next year for our 4 year anniversary!

Q-What about the ‘shrimp’ thing?

ER – You mean the ‘shrimp on the barbie’ thing?

Well, yes in QLD people do BBQ alot. It’s like an outside oven and much more sophisticated than in the UK. Funnily enough, coal barbeques are considered novel and retro. But shrimps here are not called shrimps. They are prawns. And they are usually huge by European standards. The UK ‘prawn’ is pretty much a tiny shrimp. Please note this image:

 

Q- Sooo..your shrimp is wearing an Aussie hat? Is that a myth too?

ER – Erm...pretty much. It’s another tourist lie. Although I did see 1 Aussie wearing one, once. So it can happen.

 

Q- What other tourist lies are there?

ER –That drop bears are dangerous. Haven’t heard of them? Google it.

Q-So what is the true Australia?

ER –Let me kick back and open a cold one before I get back to you.

Q-Well, that was insightful. Maybe I should see what it’s really like. Can I stay with you?

ER –No worries mate.

 

Other things to check out for more Aussie culture:

·          Australia’s Eurovision Performance

·          Skippy

·          Neighbours Set Tours.

·          When Opera visited Australia

·          When Ellen visited Australia