Riding the Rollercoaster.

As I am fast approaching the grand old age of 28, I have come to realise that the 20’s decade is a beautiful but rickety rollercoaster that you have to ride. When you first got on it, you really wanted to, but as you see the end in sight, you’re pretty glad to get off.

 

When you first enter your twenties having come out of the other end of the angsty teenage years, the twenties seems bright and fresh and full of hope and possibilities. 

You go to university, meet lots of new people, stay up all night partying and then doing a chocolate run during exam/exhibition time. You meet lifelong-friends, some meet their future husbands and wives and you then you enter the adult world a bit exhausted, but excited and full of knowledge – raring to kick-start your career and achieve all those ambitious dreams.

But at the (nearly) grand old age of 28, I don’t feel that I have it all figured out quite yet. Or even nearly figured out at all.

 

Fast forward a few years and it’s time to reflect on what happened.

 

Time apparently sped up to the point where you have become one of those people that says, “doesn’t time fly” and “I can’t believe it’s (insert month here) already!” and finally, “ I don’t know where this year has gone”.

 

I haven’t been in a ‘career’ job for longer than 1.5 years and have racked up a fair few places on my CV as I move from place to place – always searching for ‘that place’ that I can call home.

I have gained lots and lots of transferable skills from 1 industry and have learnt what and where my ‘line’ is with regards to work, the workplace, people and stress. And then I took on a new role and actually learnt it.

 

I watched Masterchef Australia the other day where one of the 28 year old contestants was called ‘brave’ for discovering what he really wanted to do – even though it was a little late in the game. 

Like we are supposed to have it all figured out by now.

 

And according to the ‘olden days’, in your twenties you are supposed to have:

 

-       Become educated/learn a trade

-       Get a job/career and that is just ‘what you do’

-       Find a partner

-       Buy a house

-       Start a family

That seems like an awful lot to me! Of course it doesn’t take into consideration that a lot of people travel these days, change careers and actually don’t even end up doing what they spent thousands studying. Yay for the recession!

 

A few weeks ago – all of this really bothered me. I have a little bit of a meltdown thinking that I was the only person in the world riding this rollercoaster. 

From the outside, it always seems like everyone else has it together.

 

It seems like most of my friends have their careers on track and in a good place – something of which i am still envious of as I struggle to figure out whether the last 5 years in my industry have been any good for me and whether I can continue or want to continue down this path.

 

However I know the grass is always greener. I have met the love of my life who I will proudly call my husband in a few months time and I have also travelled around the world twice and have experienced many things that my peers have not.

 

During this period of uncertainty, I spoke with a very close friend of mine back in the UK who had just started a new and exciting role and explained how I felt and all of my worries about not having achieved the things we are supposed to.

 

She said, “Do you really think we have it all figured out? I don’t have a clue what I am doing and I don’t know where I am going. I’m just doing it”.

 

And was  my final loop of the rollercoaster. I had overcome my fear of the unknown and my uncertainty of the 20’s to sit back and appreciate where I am right now and to relax as this decade comes to a full stop and you can finally lift that heavy bar from you and step out into your thirties having achieved some of what you wanted to achieve.

 

And as I step off this rollercoaster ride knowing that veryone else on it is feeling the same, I can’t help but wonder what ride of ‘unachievements’ I’ll choose to get on next. And that’s the exciting part.

Career Crack

I recently saw this post on Facebook and it instantly alleviated some of my current worries.

5 months out from the wedding day and 5 ¾ months from my 28^th birthday, I’d have thought I had it all figured out. Learning from my mistakes in my teen years and “discovering myself” in my twenties. 30 is on the horizon along with becoming a wife, buying a house, owning a dog and rabbit (they will be friends) and hopefully having a family of my own.

Alas. As I evaluate my life on a Tuesday afternoon (I wrote this yesterday) on a rare, sunny autumn day in Melbourne, I realise that maybe I’m not quite there. Newly unemployed after escaping the clutches of yet another workplace destined to send me into an early grave. And I had subscribed t it along with everyone else.

Now that its only 4 months till we leave for the wedding and requiring 6 weeks off, it seems unlikely that a permanent job is on the immediate horizon. However, I’m tempted to believe that this could be a blessing in disguise.

We spend so long in the workplace with the retirement age seaming increasingly out of reach. Factor in university, some travel and a few years of family time and you are still looking at around 40 years working 38 hour weeks – unless you are fortunate enough not to have to.

Now this is obviously less than previous generations, however with the world being so career focussed, I am tempted to believe that with higher competition, expectations , working hours and responsibilities, that today’s working world has hit a peak in stressful working conditions. And it is not working out. With more people now than ever suffering from work-related stress issues including insomnia/sleep disorders, this is not a sustainable strategic plan for long-term growth.

Going back say 12 years when I was a kid, I used to think that the monotony of a 9-5 job was s routine, so typical, aka so conventional. I was extremely career focussed – set on getting my qualifications so I could go to uni to “better myself” and to enjoy the privilege of a “better life” with “higher pay” as it was sold to us prospective undergrads.

Little did I know that a ‘career job’ didn’t fit into this mould of a regular 9-5 job as I was avoiding, but in the worst way possible. Hello late nights, working from home, working weekends and whatever else to ‘prove myself’ in my career, my dedication to each and every role I took.

I could never predict how an industry that you give so much to can take even more back until it is taking things like your health and social life until you feel you have nothing left to give. Or even willingly give.

They say that your 20s is a period of uncertainty, self-discovery and getting to grips with your path in life. Well, I have definitely seen the uncertainty in the last few weeks – if not for many years. Being surprisingly unemployed after giving everything plus more until I ended up  with a sleep disorder psychologist. He is helping but miraculously my sleeping is much better without the anxiety of work.

I have learnt my boundaries in the workplace what I am prepared to give and compromise and what I am not.  Maybe this is what sealed the unemployment deal.

But most importantly I do feel that despite this hurdle I am on a healthier path in life. I have recognised that I have a self-sacrificing schema (Google it if it resonates with you – it could really help) which means I am destined to a decline in my own personal heath in order to benefit someone else. This has drawn me to the conclusion that the fundraising industry can never be an entirely good thing for me.

So, a time to reflect, back-track and to see what I really can do and achieve without all the monkeys, gorillas and other zoo animals on my back. I’d like to go back to my creative routes where I am truer to myself and I can dedicate my time to my health, my life, my future and our future life together.

In the meantime, maybe I should really go back to my routes and get a paper round.

Other updates:

The plant situation is going really well with a large number of reddening chillies and the mint going pretty crazy. The wedding prep is also going well – I think – with invitations to be posted in the next few weeks.  I am attempting to catch up on all the things that you never have time to do as well as getting a new job and wedding stuff.

I shall try to keep my updates more regular – it is one of my resolutions – so keep prodding me ok?

Much love xx