Wedding reflections and jubilations.

Three months after my last post, I finally feel ready to sit down and write about the wedding.

Which is funny for a few reasons. Firstly, most of my regular readers enjoyed the day with us, having been an integral part in sharing our special and intimate day. Secondly, the opening sentence is not consistent with the 'wedding tone'. 

I think that this post is something that other brides can appreciate and understand. I kind of think that it's unavoidable in this day in age.

The wedding day itself was a surreal bubble of euphoric love, happiness, romance and intimacy. Never in my life did I ever think that those emotions and overwhelming feelings of euphoria existed, let alone would be experienced. I always assumed that it would be "the happiest day of our life" because that's what you are told by you're happily married friends, acquaintances, magazines, blogs etc. 

Although that description might seem more chick flick than reality, it is surprisingly true. The wedding day surprised me in so many ways, including my own emotional reactions to everything, everyone and how something so simple and traditional, is actually ingrained with meaning, commitment and emotion. All the cliches were there - the excited/nervous jitters, the room a blur with familiar and loving faces, the moment our eyes met and didn't move from each other and how everything, everyone disappeared as it became a moment just for us.

I realised that everything I had been worried about pre-wedding, I didn't even notice on the day. With reflection and hindsight, yes, but not on the day. Looking back at the wedding day was also surreal, as there is so much of the day you don't remember clearly or even experience. A lot of the wedding is for your guests to enjoy as being the main 'hosts', you don't actually have a lot of time to experience all the details, games and hard work that you have invested into making the day 'you' and 'special'. Funny that really.

I have come to realise that the wedding was a beautiful, amazing and life affirming if not slightly traumatic experience. The stress and pressure you put on yourself to make everything perfect and keep everyone happy is incredible, and it snowballs towards the wedding day, not away from it. I considered myself one of those 'carefree' bride-to-be's of which I can acknowledge now I certainly was more controlling than you like to admit about yourself. It certainly has taken reflection, review, time out and the start of a new chapter to admit that some parts of the wedding planning process, I handled quite badly.

It's a crazy situation really. I found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, we planned a day that was going to be fun, full of awesome people, great food and beautiful backdrops. I just didn't feel that during the planning process it was going to be very 'me'. I became so invested in planning the wedding that I almost felt disconnected from it and it was like it was happening to someone else. No one can prepare you for the emotional roller-coaster that is getting engaged, planning a wedding, being a bride-to-be, being a hen, being the bride and then finally being a wife. There is no guidebook, no rules, and no amount of advice that will really hit home until afterwards. I found my perfect man, in an imperfect situation but we still make a perfect couple and it was still a stressful experience.

There is so much confusion and emotion in this process along with stress, anxiety and worry that romance doesn't seem to come into it. The amount of time and money and stress invested into this 'perfect day' seems crazy and we questioned many times whether it was going to be worth it.

Whether or not your pre-wedding experience is positive or not, if you are marrying for the right reasons, then the answer is a simple, "Yes. Of course".

Because again, this is true. 

In my previous post you may remember my anticipation of the moment I came down the stairs, into the ceremony, on the arm of my Dad to start the ceremony. 

The morning was frantic and disappeared so quickly. Nerves and excitement make you a bizarre person as no one can prep you for how you will feel this day. The moment that my beautiful girls and my Dad saw me in my dress was priceless. The jittery feeling of "its showtime"as the music starts and the girls are already walking gracefully and perfectly down the stairs.

The moment that my Dad takes my arm and we have an intimate and special moment between us, as he supports me emotionally and physically through the walking down the stairs. The moment I see all my girls in their beautiful dresses, holding their gorgeous homemade bouquets, eyes welling up, all big smiles that can't hide their love for me. The moment that makes me realise that I am physically shaking and welling up myself. The scan across the room to see a blur sea of smiling, happy, loving faces from around the world - a surreal experience where people you never thought would meet sit side by side, sharing in the glow - not being able to pick out one face from another, but knowing that you know and love them all.

That perfect moment where you're eyes meet his and they are magnetically locked into each others gaze. That moment you realise that the day is finally here, it is really happening and the rest of the world seems to disappear.

Follow this with the realisation of how much love there is for you both through the heartfelt and emotional readings from both siblings - everyone getting choked up and involved in the intimacy of that moment.

The moment where all these words are said and reciprocated and you didn't realise that these were your words as you're head is floating on a euphoric cloud that makes everything slightly hazy. The rings are on, the first married kiss and the moment he lifts you into the air as the most precious and loving gesture. Pure happiness and elation as the moment sinks in and we both raise our hands and cheer that the planning is over, we did it and to celebrate with our closest family and friends from around the world. 

The important thing to remember with wedding planning that it is never going to be perfect, and it shouldn't be. Life isn't. I'm sure that marriage isn't either. It is how you handle the situation that will effect how you feel about it. On the day itself, I was overwhelmed. With love of course. But also actually overwhelmed. An experience so strange in itself its hard to identify. But with love, logic and clarity it is important to ride the wave and enjoy it for what it is. With all my stress and worry - I realised that the day was actually the most perfect day for us. It was intimate, personal, special, fun, beautiful and we did all the things we wanted to and shared it with the most important people in our lives. The was very 'us' in every sense and everyone basked in our love because we were so open about it.

Have things changed? Do I feel like a wife?

Yes and Yes/No.

The truth is I have never had the "I'm a wife" moment, because I have felt committed to our relationship for a long time. We made the decision to make it work and we have. The marriage element felt inevitable at some point really. But emotionally, yes things have changed. Little indescribable things that won't make sense unless you have experienced it. The joys of being able to say "my husband" and to proudly call myself "a wife" - not very feminist but being a wife through choice makes a difference I think. I am happy to be a wife and a good wife and know that we have a long and happy life to share together.

And in case you were wondering, we did wake up the morning after, overlooking the sea in my hometown and did share an English Breakfast with two of our closet friends. We shared coffee and cake back at our reception venue to relax and reminisce  and caught up with everyone for more chocolate mudcake and to hear all the different wedding stories. We enjoyed an excellent degustation dinner as our first as husband and wife, and fell asleep in each others arms, exhausted but happy and ready to start the rest of our new life together.

Image by Rebecca Douglas Photography: www.rebeccadouglas.co.uk

To everyone that shared our experience in every form, we can't thank you enough for all your love and support.

Love always xoxo

Final flying thoughts.

This week has been pretty surreal. Alongside the wedding nightmares of my wedding venue being held inside a shopping centre with sick staff and my mum wearing a neon orange 80’s taffeta dress and my Australian nightmares of being trapped inside a house which flooded with jumping crocodiles and super quick sea snakes, we are also preparing to depart in 2 days, back home.

It’s been a strange year. I think every year that passes is getting quicker, and stranger. Maybe as you get older, your capacity to deal and cope with things becomes better. I have definitely mellowed out in this year – which is the complete opposite of most brides.

And of course, we are heading back to get married. That’s quite a big one I guess. The planning and preparation definitely feels big – as we discussed with friends over coffee at the weekend, it feels like we have been talking about the wedding for ages. It has been just over a year and a half and around 1 ¾ years from engagement to wedding. Which I think should be fairly average these days – give you a chance for it to sink in, do your research, figure out what you want and then save for it. And in our case, a big factor was allowing the Australian side time to plan their own trip to come over.

And on this note, I am extremely humbled. We have had an excellent response from the Aussies to come over, with only a few people unfortunately unable to attend. It was always a huge ask and we are grateful to everyone who put the time and effort into considering it as an option. Plus we will have a big Aussie party to celebrate – bring on the chocolate mud cake!

I was chatting with my Dad on Skype at the weekend too and telling him just this. Even though our overall guest list is small (just under 70), we have both been blown away by the excitement, love and generosity that everyone has shown us already (and we are not even there yet!). From the engagement parties last year, to the amazing messages, cards and thoughts before we have left – the wonderful conversations, support and advice – the complete support from all of our family and bridal party – the cost, the time, the effort that everyone has gone to ensure that they can be there on a Thursday (sorry teachers!), in the UK and be there to see us tie the knot.

I know I probably won’t comprehend this until the wedding is over (in the blink of an eye I am told!). But as I have mentioned on here before – I am most looking forward to seeing both of our worlds collide. In the best way possible, I already feel married as we have both made the commitment and sacrifices required to ‘prove’ that to each other – the wedding is an amazing opportunity to get everyone together, to celebrate how lucky we are, and to make it official.

For me, the strength of our love is really reflected in the love that we have around us.

And this is what I am most looking forward to:

 Walking down the steps during the ceremony with my beloved bridesmaids – best friends and sisters- being given away by my Dad (the best man I have ever met with the groom being the only exception!) – looking down at my husband-to-be to see him smile as he sees me for the first time – and then looking across the room to see the sea of faces from many lives, lifestyles, countries and see all the love that we are emanating come back straight at us – for us.

This is the moment that I am most looking forward to in our 9 week trip. Closely followed by the moment that we wake up together as Mr & Mrs, share a kiss and start looking at the photos from the day before – overlooking the sea in my hometown, with an Earl Grey Tea and a full English Breakfast. Then the rest of our lives can begin.

Fitness + Food = Fabulous!

For those of you who know me well – you will know that the Fitness element of this equation doesn’t really resonate with me.

I am not a natural athlete and have always had the fortune of not having to worry about it. Hence the teenage sleepovers where chocolate gateau featured in every meal and I could get away with ice cream for breakfast every now and then.

As I approach the impending W-Day and my 28^th birthday, I have come to realise that , without even noticing, that I do not have this luxury anymore.

I know that some people reading this will be surprised, so I shall enlighten you with a few fast facts:

-          Although I am not large, I put on 7 kilos in a few months without noticing.

-          At my heaviest I was 65kg.

-          I only noticed when I saw a photo of myself.

So, in a bid to overturn my life and create a long-term, sustainable healthy lifestyle – I joined a bootcamp.

Now I was always one of those people who would walk past a bootcamp (obviously in the evening as I am also not a natural morning person) and laugh at how silly everyone looked, how some of the girls were all dressed up in their best pink gear and why everyone there wasn’t fat?

Now I know. Bootcamp is not what you think it might be. It is not all full of fat people as I once mistakenly thought. It is not also full of pink gym gear (cue moi in a Primarni green tank top and $5 Big W shorts). But most importantly, it is not about paying someone to shout at you.

Whilst there is a market for these bootcamps, mine is about support. Everyone there – of various shapes, sizes, ages and backgrounds, are there for their own personal reasons. Reasons that are not shared, because essentially it doesn’t matter.

There is a mutual understanding and support for the tasks completed and the effort input. Everyone is at a very different fitness level, and everyone has very different motivations.

Motivation is important when you are waking up at 5am twice a week, in the dark, to walk 30 minutes to the bootcamp, an hour of intense working out, a half hour walk back and then get into the routine for work.

My motivation? A photo of myself on a beach in the Perhinthans in Malaysia – a moment in time when I felt my most free and beautiful. A moment I would love to feel again.

However 6 weeks in, I have noticed the dramatic changes.

-          I have become a morning person and started exercising a little most days a week

-          I have already lost 1.5kilos and maintaining a healthy weight

-          I have already lost cms around the middle

-          I have started the nutirion overhaul program to keep track of my food intake

Which leads me nicely onto my next topic – Food.

I live in Melbourne and I love food. It almost sounds like an AA confession!

Melbourne has some of the most fantastic food – from a real range of cultures and for all budgets. This is in addition to the amazing coffee that sustains the city and fuels the creativity.

So it is a tough challenge for me to be on the nutritional overhaul with my bootcamp. Essentially, it is keeping a food and exercise diary to establish healthy eating patterns, to gain nutritional advice and to assess how much and what you are eating.

It is fascinating as although I have always been extremely healthy in my adult life (the cake and ice cream for breakfast episodes were in my younger days) and I enjoy making healthy choices – it does help reign in any unnecessary snacking and unhealthy habits.

For example – all those work birthdays where there is always some kind of cake/biscuit/sugary treat – where I would always say yes and take a slice and inhale it before we have even began the celebratory signing. The unforeseen situations where food is offered and to have the will power to say no thank you.

It is actually making me rethink and have the strength to do so (full well knowing that come W-Day I am going to tuck into our glorious chocolate cake!) so I can transition into the Fabulous phase.

I am starting to feel much more fabulous than flabulous now that the wibbly bits have been wobbled away in strength and cardio training. The vision I have in my mind of myself being slim, toned and tanned in my hens and honeymoon pics are well on their way.

The trick is to keep it up in the cold winter Melbourne months which are shortly on their way. No big hidey flabby jumper for me this year! (That’s how a winters trip to Prague, New York and Christmas got out of hand before coming to Australia).

So I guess this is the positive impact that Australia is having on me. Whilst I coul do this anywhere, being in a country that is much more outdoor and fitness focused, it does makes you feel less silly and more inclusive. Plus I really wouldn’t get up on a winters day in London to go outside and crawl around on the ground doing push ups and burpees at 6am. Oh no siree.

Whilst all of this is a goal towards the wedding, they are also training for life-after-wedding as well. Shock, horror! A fitness plan for a newly wed! Usually its all about the wedding day and afterwards its all about the red wine and cheese on the sofa.

The wedding is a goal and the start of my new life as a wife. I will definitely relax more after the wedding and enjoy those wine and cheese nights, but maybe low-fat cheese and just a glass of wine will do the trick. 

Muchos love as ever xoxo

Ps - I couldn't upload my plant pics for the update but the chilli is going rather well!

The one year countdown begins!

Hello lovelies! 

September 4th starts with the 1 year countdown till the big day! Very exciting times!

And timing being everything, our beautiful engagement shoot has now featured on Whimsical Wonderland Weddings blog!

Relive our story here:

http://whimsicalwonderlandweddings.com/2013/09/a-romantic-whitstable-engagement.html#more-91202

Here's a sneak peak.

Aww... Aren't we too cute, haha!

With the big day on the horizon and some of our major plans in place, we are getting super excited!

We had such an amazing time back at home, although it will never be long enough, and we can't wait to come home and share our big day with our nearest and dearest.

So, the venues are sorted, the dress is being made, the cake is bring designed, we obviously have the wonderful Rebecca Douglas taking our pics- check out her site here:

http://www.rebeccadouglas.co.uk

Just the menus, bridesmaids dresses, music, vows, decor and small stuff to go!

And in that note, maybe I should intro the bridal party:

MOH- Miss Joanne Gold, one of my closest friends and more like my 3rd sister! Jo introduced me to my short street dancing career many moons ago and has seen a catalogue of my changed looks over the years!

Miss Hannah Murphy- my dearest sister and partner in dancing, partying crime! I've known her all her life, yet she has taught me more about living than anyone I know!

Miss Saskia Verwijs- my dearest and youngest sister and creative extraordinaire! Sass specialises I'm gorgeous nail art (something for the wedding?), baking and everything arty and will put all models to shame with her gorgeous looks and extraordinary height!

Miss Leanne Hardy- one if my oldest friends from our good old BCGS days! Many sleepovers have been doesn't eating cake for dinner and ice cream for breakfast!

Miss Frances Barker- mine and Leanne's partner in crime in eating food and talking vomit, often whilst eating food!

Miss Laura Bowman- one of the original mouse house members, design extraordinaire, fellow 90s pop lover and the other half of the most creative birthday cakes I've ever had!

Miss Joanna Bell- another fellow mouse house member, the other half of epic cakeage, Australian traveller from 2013 and fabulous illustrator!

And finally, our amazing MC, Mr James MG Roberts.

BBC and tea loving James will help us reliever the order of the day with style and panache! Another mouse house member, fellow 90s pop dancer and avid film maker! Check out his film 'Alan' when it's out!

So I am very blessed that a year today I will be surrounded by my friends and family, have my nearest and dearest by my side to marry my one true love.

Good night everyone! Xxx

The renaissance of The English Rose.

To all my fellow Rose Readers, I can declare that after an unexpected year off, I am back and blogging!

I never really expected to stop completely, but as you can see from my last post- the weight of it all ( the file, visa and work ) got the better of me. I became a little disenchanted with it all.

However, a year on and my-oh-my how much has changed.

So, it seems that I needed the infamous Love File off my chest, to be able to really get into Aussie life. It was submitted on August 24th and little more than 5 months later, I received the call.

It was quite underwhelming as I was at work and was expecting it to be a  bizarre  enquiry from a member of the public. But after all the hard work, paper and around AUD$4k later, I am now on the Subclass 820 Temporary Residency Visa. How romantic!

And no, it doesn't mean that I am half Aussie or anything like that. Still an English Rose which just happens to be allowed in Oz. Which given the current government policies on immigration is pretty amazing. 

I have to remember those hundreds of people trying to come in on tiny dangerous boats, only to be shipped off to PNG and told they will never live in Australia. I am very fortunate.

So, a quick catch up on the rest of the year-

- gained great event fundraising experience with my now ex-job ( more on that later! )

- joined a netball team, go Charity Cases!

- made some amazing friends:

 

- gained a bit of an Aussie accent (according to home!)

- got whisked away to Byron Bay before Christmas....

And GOT ENGAGED!!

It was a complete surprise and an amazing end to a difficult and life changing year. I am so incredibly lucky to have found my gorgeous man - and for him to have such incredible taste/ check out the ring he had custom made for me!

So this may spark some interesting wedding planning from abroad type posts and advice!

But the main things have been booked on my amazing 2 month trip back home on June/July.

This was an amazing trip for so many reasons. It was my first trip back home since we moved here last year so it was incredible to catch up with family and friends. And to be able to celebrate our engagement made it extra special.

It's funny, because we get asked an awful lot where we are going to live permanently. It's a difficult one to answer as we simply don't know. I thought the trip home would help me decide, but I'm not sure if it did.

On one hand, it's amazing to be near my nearest and dearest, who after all these years have remained loyal and loving friends. The people who you catch up with on Skype and it doesn't feel like you haven't seen them in over a year.

On the other, Australia is such a great place to be right now. It's economically stable, with wages being high and disposable income being the norm. How novel!

It's the first time in my life I haven't had to worry about money (even when unemployed as I am right now!) and I know in a couple of years, we can buy a house. This is in addition to paying for the wedding, of which we should already have this.

If I tell people about this at home, it sounds like a fantasy, but this is that it's like here. Unfortunately I think it gets taken for granted as you can have everything you want. It's a luxury that I know everyone at home can't have.

And that makes me sad. To know all my loved ones are struggling, and to make the selfish choice to be here, because life is so much easier. 

And it's beautiful of course!

So, in summary, nothing is forever (except our marriage!) so no decisions yet. 

But now to the unemployed and homeless part...

I forgot to mention the homeless didn't I?

So in all the madness of this year and deciding to take control of our lives, we decided to leave our house, quit our jobs and move to Melbourne.

So this is the current plan in progress!

We are very lucky to be staying at our good friends flat whilst they are in their honeymoon. (And their wedding was overdue and spectacular!)

So this is our current view:

Not bad eh?

Luckily we have a few interviews lined up between us and have seen numerous places to live- of varying quality and prices.

Fingers crossed it all falls into place. We have been extremely lucky in our journey so far and just need a little more in the works!

Ill try not to leave it too long before my next update!

But a huge thank you to everyone that made the effort from all over Europe to see us whilst we were back home, especially to celebrate our engagement. It was such a special time for us and we love you all.

Xxx