I am the victim of an addiction.

I have become the victim of an addiction. Just like many addicts, I feel the pressure of the cravings, the constant struggle to make the ‘right’ decisions.

I am the victim of an addiction.

But the addiction isn’t mine. The addiction is sugar and the addiction is everyone else’s and it could be yours too. Let me explain.

Firstly, not everyone is a sugar addict. It just so happens that I am. Ever have a bit of chocolate or cake and need to eat the whole thing? I don’t mean a desire to eat the whole thing, an actual physical craving and absolute need to consume it all once you have tasted the good stuff.

Is one bit ever enough? Is it all or nothing? That is how it is for me. I can’t control how much I do have so I have to control the fact that I don’t or can’t have it.

But it is not my sugar addiction that I am a victim  of – it is everyone else’s. Since I took on Sarah Wilson's I Quit Sugar (IQS) 8 week-detox, I have lost weight, I feel energised and healthy. I don’t have sweet cravings, needs or fixes. My skin is clearer, my energy is high, I am not so tired even if I have a terrible night sleep (a frequent occurrence for me) and I don’t feel the afternoon or mid-morning ‘slump’ – or at least I don’t crash into an abyss without a biscuit or coffee fix.

I feel fabulous and look great – and actually think I look fabulous and great too – a huge achievement for most women to think yet along actually admit to smiling in the mirror in the mornings. Most importantly my body feels more ‘stable’ now that I have a greater control over my blood sugar and insulin levels which means less” super-grumpy-because-I’m-hungry” syndrome.

I am very affected by what I eat and how I treat my body. 

This is a cliché that many people use like ‘the body is a temple’ blah blah blah. But there is a degree of truth in it. However, everyone is very different and treats very differently. Myself – if I ate too much sugar I would hit an energised high, and come crashing down horribly on my sugar comedown. Symptoms include: dizziness, faintness, fatigue, nausea, headaches, tingly limbs and the shakes.

My hunger has decreased and I actually don’t really miss the sweet stuff anymore – finding great sugar-free alternatives and baking with non-sugar sweeteners.

But throughout this healthy change of mine, I have found that I have become a victim of other’s addiction to sugar. Naturally, working in an office there is a lot of sitting down – and even more eating to be had. I have never seen and been offered so much of the sweet treats until I had recently taken up my new role. 

Society has made sugar so integral to our lives that most of us can’t live without it. 

The office appears to be the epitome of this:

• Some’s baked?
• Someones birthday?
• Snacks at work?
• Morning tea?
• Afternoon tea?
• Meeting biscuits?
• Meeting double chocolate and raspberry cheesecake? (this happened to me last week).
• Something with your cuppa?
• Religious festivals/celebrations?

Some answers to the above that I have been offered in the first 4 weeks of working here:

• Easter eggs
• Biscuits
• Banana Bread
• Jam Donut
• Fruit Platters
• Finger sandwiches
• Coffee cake
• Cheese and crackers
• Champagne and wine
• The double chocolate and raspberry cheesecake as mentioned above.
• Homemade chocolate and banana muffins

This has turned me into a dishonest and sneaky person – as if I was giving into my sugar cravings and gorging all of these items on the sly, away from normal eyes. The truth is, I am actually hiding my healthy self to my current colleagues by having to accept these items and ‘hide’ them or take them home under the guise of – “I’ll have it after lunch” or “I’ll make a cup of tea to go with it”. 

My partner says they must think I have an eating disorder or something. But these lies are to hide the fact that I am actually experiencing work peer pressure to eat these items and to eat them every time they come around. I have been offered cake with a phrase like “you look like you could do with one of these”. Said in jest, but it hurts still the same – as I am being judged for my healthy choices and my willpower to say “no” to the temptation- something I can never do when I am on a sugar high. 

I have tried to politely refuse, but it has actually gotten to the point where my colleagues are forcing me to take some because “it is just sooo good, you HAVE to try it”. Really, seeing me eat these things or at least take them, justifies their own decisions – of which I have nothing wrong with. 

But I definitely don’t judge those who can and choose to eat these items with “you really don’t need one of those now do you?”. But its ok on the other foot? People have insecurities and weaknesses, or they just damn well love cake – it’s none of my business, so why make my business yours? 

Unfortunately, despite how lovely everyone is, they just wouldn’t understand what I am trying to do for myself and what I have achieved already – and how proud of myself I am for all of this! They would think its a crazy wedding diet and that I am being silly because “I’m so tiny” (I have overheard colleagues discussing how “tiny” I am as if it was a bad thing) – when in actual fact, the wedding is just the first goal to ensure I maintain a happy and healthy lifestyle always. 

It is a lifestyle change in preparation for the wedding and my new married life – not just a crash diet so I can eat lots of cake on the wedding day (which I will still do by the way!)

And this post is just my personal experience - it is not intended to preach or convert anyone. Just an interesting observation I have learnt through doing this trial.

It's funny, it kind of reminds me of the 6 years I was vegetarian. You wouldn't think that there would be much to say as it is so common these days - but funnily enough, everyone appears to have an opinion on the matter. The lengthy discussions that were had about 'how good meat is for you', 'animal rights' etc etc is actually quite fascinating.

Especially when my contribution was always something like " I don't really like meat". Bam. End of conversation. You can't argue with opinion, but you can argue about ethics, values and politics.

But the shoe also goes on the other foot. I've had conversations with vegetarians that can talk "til the cows come back to their happy home' too!

All in all, society needs to respect and recognise that everyone's bodies are very different, react and respond very differently to each other. This means we all have different needs - and  how some people can eat whatever they like and feel fabulous, and others have to be a little bit more controlled over the situation to get the same feeling.

At the end of the day, who doesn't want to wake up feeling fantastic?

Grey But Great News Day.

The clouds may be over, the rain maybe be pouring and the water maybe dripping  in our spare room - but despite all of this- it is still a Great News Day!

I have come to the conclusion that life works in mysterious ways. The world is small and indeed wonderful, and everything happens for a reason.

I have always been an advocate for the saying, 

"Everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end".

It is something that I have always tried to have in the back of my mind when times are tough and life gives you tiny, hard lemons.

With the world being small, I heard an amazing story from our cake lady back in the UK, who met a couple whose daughter lives in Oz but is having a celebration in Kent after having the official ceremony in Australia earlier this year.

She mentioned that she was making a cake for a woman in the opposite situation-living in Oz but getting married in Kent. 

The couple mentioned my name laughing as the cliche question of 'Do you know so and so in Australia?' comes to mind.

Our cake lady looked at them and said 'yes' and she's marrying an Aussie-and mentioned my fiancé.

It turns out that our cake lady was speaking to an old school friends parents whom we reconnected with at my friends wedding in Canberra in February! Small and wonderful world indeed.

This brought a smile to my face as I realised the beautiful uncertainty of life-of which I was always unsure that uncertainty was a positive thing.

After a period of recent negative uncertainty, anxiety and concern, I have landed a temporary contract job for the next few months doing Graphic Design and Marketing for a disability NFP.

This definitely helps add to my newly found optimism.

In addition to this, I was also announced as the winner of a 6 week nutritional overhaul program as a part of my boot camp and wedding/fitness preparations!

I have won a running singlet (vest top), a healthy cooking book and 4 weeks of Bootcamp for free!

Plus, the long awaited Chocorn has hit the Woolies shelves! (For my UK readers it was a winning product from a reality cooking show called Recipe to Riches).

It looks to be three amazing flavours of cholesterol dipped popcorn. Yum!

So tonight I shall celebrate with my love all these successes (and work off the Chocorn at Bootcamp tomorrow!) and see that sometimes the stars do align in the most mysterious ways to reward a testing situation with the best possible outcome. 

Much loves xoxo

The Wedding 'Mare.

As I sit here munching on my hot buttery raisin toast and earl grey tea, I realise that the 5 month mark has slipped by me without even realising. By 3 days to be exact.

It is this fact and the fact that I didn't realise, that makes me realise that we are on that downward roller-coaster ride to the wedding day. What also solidified this realisation was the start of the wedding nightmares.

This started happening last week - when my subliminal mind must have been trying to tell me that the countdown had begun - as I awoke in a panic realising that I had just lived out my wedding day without any head wear or ceremony decorations. To top it all off, no one ate the cake. The panic set in.

I am reluctant to subscribe to the constant countdown to the wedding day, as this can instil worry, panic, anxiety, pressure, nightmares or all of the above. The pressure that we all put ourselves under for the sake of ensuring it is the most photogenic event ever, to top cousin Bethal's $100k wedding on Hamilton Island with dolphins delivering the rings to the shore*, is getting out of hand.

However, although I am trying to be the 'cool, calm and collected' bride that I would like to be, I am not immune to the wedding nightmares.

The lists of tasks not yet completed, the decisions not yet made, the millions of ideas to sift through and discuss of yet another Pinterest board will definitely reek havoc on your sleep content.

The fact that most wedding guests don't take home their 'gift' or can't recall the flower arrangements on the tables does help to refocus our energies on areas that will actually enhance the day without spending hours or money worrying about the finest details - that will be forgotten in an instant.

I have it on good authority, and from my own experience, that guests always remember the dress, the food, the music selection, that funny moment the flower-girl farts mid-ceremony ** and whether there is a free bar or not. Sometimes the wedding cake is forgotten and left uneaten! As a lover of cake insert - Shock! Horror! here.

What I am constantly trying to remember is perspective. The reason why we are getting married and the journey that it has taken to get us both here.

Having met my gorgeous fiancé in South America, reconnecting in Australia, kidnapping him to Asia, meeting the family back home in England and then jetting off to live in Australia, we realised very early on in our relationship what we wanted our end goal to be. There were so many chances to back out and it would have been easier to do so, but we both know that we would have missed out on an incredible lifetime of happiness.

I think it is a telling sign that the hardest part of a relationship in our situation, is the situation itself, as being together is the easiest part.

So with that in mind it is now 4 months and 27 days until W-Day and I should get back to that list. Just for the record, the chocolate cake will be cut and it will be eaten in multiple slices (and that's just for me!) as nothing says "I love you" more than fabulous cake.

I am sure there will be many more wedding nightmares (like knocking over the wedding cake just like I did at my Mum and Step-dads wedding***) but if that happens, just wake up and make another hot buttery slice of raisin toast with a cup of earl grey tea - but this time, for two.


Much love xoxo


*disclaimer - I do not have any cousins, definitely none called Bethal and this is not a suggestion on how to utilise dolphins in your own wedding.

**disclaimer -This did actually happen at a friends wedding. And it was pretty funny.

***disclaimer -This also happened. Luckily the solid royal icing saved it.


Ps - Thank you for all your kind words of support for my last blog post. It is greatly appreciated and your insight has given me great inspiration for your appreciation.

Career Crack

I recently saw this post on Facebook and it instantly alleviated some of my current worries.

5 months out from the wedding day and 5 ¾ months from my 28^th birthday, I’d have thought I had it all figured out. Learning from my mistakes in my teen years and “discovering myself” in my twenties. 30 is on the horizon along with becoming a wife, buying a house, owning a dog and rabbit (they will be friends) and hopefully having a family of my own.

Alas. As I evaluate my life on a Tuesday afternoon (I wrote this yesterday) on a rare, sunny autumn day in Melbourne, I realise that maybe I’m not quite there. Newly unemployed after escaping the clutches of yet another workplace destined to send me into an early grave. And I had subscribed t it along with everyone else.

Now that its only 4 months till we leave for the wedding and requiring 6 weeks off, it seems unlikely that a permanent job is on the immediate horizon. However, I’m tempted to believe that this could be a blessing in disguise.

We spend so long in the workplace with the retirement age seaming increasingly out of reach. Factor in university, some travel and a few years of family time and you are still looking at around 40 years working 38 hour weeks – unless you are fortunate enough not to have to.

Now this is obviously less than previous generations, however with the world being so career focussed, I am tempted to believe that with higher competition, expectations , working hours and responsibilities, that today’s working world has hit a peak in stressful working conditions. And it is not working out. With more people now than ever suffering from work-related stress issues including insomnia/sleep disorders, this is not a sustainable strategic plan for long-term growth.

Going back say 12 years when I was a kid, I used to think that the monotony of a 9-5 job was s routine, so typical, aka so conventional. I was extremely career focussed – set on getting my qualifications so I could go to uni to “better myself” and to enjoy the privilege of a “better life” with “higher pay” as it was sold to us prospective undergrads.

Little did I know that a ‘career job’ didn’t fit into this mould of a regular 9-5 job as I was avoiding, but in the worst way possible. Hello late nights, working from home, working weekends and whatever else to ‘prove myself’ in my career, my dedication to each and every role I took.

I could never predict how an industry that you give so much to can take even more back until it is taking things like your health and social life until you feel you have nothing left to give. Or even willingly give.

They say that your 20s is a period of uncertainty, self-discovery and getting to grips with your path in life. Well, I have definitely seen the uncertainty in the last few weeks – if not for many years. Being surprisingly unemployed after giving everything plus more until I ended up  with a sleep disorder psychologist. He is helping but miraculously my sleeping is much better without the anxiety of work.

I have learnt my boundaries in the workplace what I am prepared to give and compromise and what I am not.  Maybe this is what sealed the unemployment deal.

But most importantly I do feel that despite this hurdle I am on a healthier path in life. I have recognised that I have a self-sacrificing schema (Google it if it resonates with you – it could really help) which means I am destined to a decline in my own personal heath in order to benefit someone else. This has drawn me to the conclusion that the fundraising industry can never be an entirely good thing for me.

So, a time to reflect, back-track and to see what I really can do and achieve without all the monkeys, gorillas and other zoo animals on my back. I’d like to go back to my creative routes where I am truer to myself and I can dedicate my time to my health, my life, my future and our future life together.

In the meantime, maybe I should really go back to my routes and get a paper round.

Other updates:

The plant situation is going really well with a large number of reddening chillies and the mint going pretty crazy. The wedding prep is also going well – I think – with invitations to be posted in the next few weeks.  I am attempting to catch up on all the things that you never have time to do as well as getting a new job and wedding stuff.

I shall try to keep my updates more regular – it is one of my resolutions – so keep prodding me ok?

Much love xx

Fitness + Food = Fabulous!

For those of you who know me well – you will know that the Fitness element of this equation doesn’t really resonate with me.

I am not a natural athlete and have always had the fortune of not having to worry about it. Hence the teenage sleepovers where chocolate gateau featured in every meal and I could get away with ice cream for breakfast every now and then.

As I approach the impending W-Day and my 28^th birthday, I have come to realise that , without even noticing, that I do not have this luxury anymore.

I know that some people reading this will be surprised, so I shall enlighten you with a few fast facts:

-          Although I am not large, I put on 7 kilos in a few months without noticing.

-          At my heaviest I was 65kg.

-          I only noticed when I saw a photo of myself.

So, in a bid to overturn my life and create a long-term, sustainable healthy lifestyle – I joined a bootcamp.

Now I was always one of those people who would walk past a bootcamp (obviously in the evening as I am also not a natural morning person) and laugh at how silly everyone looked, how some of the girls were all dressed up in their best pink gear and why everyone there wasn’t fat?

Now I know. Bootcamp is not what you think it might be. It is not all full of fat people as I once mistakenly thought. It is not also full of pink gym gear (cue moi in a Primarni green tank top and $5 Big W shorts). But most importantly, it is not about paying someone to shout at you.

Whilst there is a market for these bootcamps, mine is about support. Everyone there – of various shapes, sizes, ages and backgrounds, are there for their own personal reasons. Reasons that are not shared, because essentially it doesn’t matter.

There is a mutual understanding and support for the tasks completed and the effort input. Everyone is at a very different fitness level, and everyone has very different motivations.

Motivation is important when you are waking up at 5am twice a week, in the dark, to walk 30 minutes to the bootcamp, an hour of intense working out, a half hour walk back and then get into the routine for work.

My motivation? A photo of myself on a beach in the Perhinthans in Malaysia – a moment in time when I felt my most free and beautiful. A moment I would love to feel again.

However 6 weeks in, I have noticed the dramatic changes.

-          I have become a morning person and started exercising a little most days a week

-          I have already lost 1.5kilos and maintaining a healthy weight

-          I have already lost cms around the middle

-          I have started the nutirion overhaul program to keep track of my food intake

Which leads me nicely onto my next topic – Food.

I live in Melbourne and I love food. It almost sounds like an AA confession!

Melbourne has some of the most fantastic food – from a real range of cultures and for all budgets. This is in addition to the amazing coffee that sustains the city and fuels the creativity.

So it is a tough challenge for me to be on the nutritional overhaul with my bootcamp. Essentially, it is keeping a food and exercise diary to establish healthy eating patterns, to gain nutritional advice and to assess how much and what you are eating.

It is fascinating as although I have always been extremely healthy in my adult life (the cake and ice cream for breakfast episodes were in my younger days) and I enjoy making healthy choices – it does help reign in any unnecessary snacking and unhealthy habits.

For example – all those work birthdays where there is always some kind of cake/biscuit/sugary treat – where I would always say yes and take a slice and inhale it before we have even began the celebratory signing. The unforeseen situations where food is offered and to have the will power to say no thank you.

It is actually making me rethink and have the strength to do so (full well knowing that come W-Day I am going to tuck into our glorious chocolate cake!) so I can transition into the Fabulous phase.

I am starting to feel much more fabulous than flabulous now that the wibbly bits have been wobbled away in strength and cardio training. The vision I have in my mind of myself being slim, toned and tanned in my hens and honeymoon pics are well on their way.

The trick is to keep it up in the cold winter Melbourne months which are shortly on their way. No big hidey flabby jumper for me this year! (That’s how a winters trip to Prague, New York and Christmas got out of hand before coming to Australia).

So I guess this is the positive impact that Australia is having on me. Whilst I coul do this anywhere, being in a country that is much more outdoor and fitness focused, it does makes you feel less silly and more inclusive. Plus I really wouldn’t get up on a winters day in London to go outside and crawl around on the ground doing push ups and burpees at 6am. Oh no siree.

Whilst all of this is a goal towards the wedding, they are also training for life-after-wedding as well. Shock, horror! A fitness plan for a newly wed! Usually its all about the wedding day and afterwards its all about the red wine and cheese on the sofa.

The wedding is a goal and the start of my new life as a wife. I will definitely relax more after the wedding and enjoy those wine and cheese nights, but maybe low-fat cheese and just a glass of wine will do the trick. 

Muchos love as ever xoxo

Ps - I couldn't upload my plant pics for the update but the chilli is going rather well!

Politics, parties, plants and planning.

A very happy and belated New Year to everyone!

As a part of my NY obligations I have promised myself to actually dedicate some time to write and continue the blog after lots of lovely feedback that people actually missed reading it - which is always lovely to hear.

I am aiming for once a week - unless I have anything particularly exciting to report! If this doesn't happen - feel free to poke, wink, kick me or whatever it is you do these days.

So. I guess the title of the post says it all for me at the moment.

As you may or may not be aware of, my current role is particularly relevant in the Australian political space at the moment - working with asylum seekers and refugees.

So this first P is the Politics.

There was breaking news this week about a 'violent riot' on Manus Island (an offshore detention centre in Papua New Guinea of which Australia is responsible for - in theory) of which asylum seekers - seeking asylum in Australia - were responsible for starting.

The day after I spent the day editing voicemail audio clips from 2 asylum seekers calling directly from Manus Island to tell the organisation that the local PNG people broke into the detention centre with machetes and started attacking the asylum seekers.

Why you may ask?

Because just like Australia, PNG doesn't want them either. Except Australia has dumped all their responsibility and tax-payer dollars onto PNG.

Yesterday was a particularly sad day at work due to the then breaking news that 77 people had been seriously injured and 1 person actually died whilst seeking Australian protection.

Hearing the truth and information directly from the ground is particularly saddening as despite the truth being spoken by people on the island, the government has scared even the most Left-wing media into keeping neutral and not exposing the truth. Hello ABC.

So whilst as a nation we might complain that our cafe latte was supposed to be a flat white or that the pubic transport situation is dire - we must remember that at least we have the freedom to experience these 'atrocities'.

Anyway, work rant over.

The next P is more fun. Parties!

This is more in reference to organising my Hen's party with my 7 amazing bridesmaids and 1 amazing groomslady!

So - just quietly - I am quite excited. Not because I want to wear penis paraphernalia, drink shots from a necklace and pass out on a beach Ibiza style - but because it is a great opportunity to spend a few days with some of the most fabulous women on the planet.

Being so far away from most of you is not easy at the best of times - and definitely not whilst planning a wedding (Gave away the last P!). But I know that you will all pull together to 'send me off in style' or whatever that really means anyways.

It means a lot to me that anyone would even put the effort in to help us get all of this off the ground - let alone the enthusiasm and grace that has been put into sourcing all sorts of quality information.

On a completely separate and 3rd P - Plants.

This may surprise everyone that reads this that might know me fairly well - I am now a Green Thumb.

Not only of my own labelling but fully endorsed by the future Mr Murphy. (Jokes - he wouldn't change it!)

I am pleased to announce that I am now the proud grower of:

- Chilli's
- Gardenias
- Marigolds (from the seed - oh yeah!)
- Jasmine
- Variety of succulents (in case all the others actually die)
- Mint
- Basil
- Spinach (possibly on the deathbed)
- Coriander (def on the deathbed but hoping for a resurrection)

So as you can see around 85% of current growth is probably nor dying or dead.

And the jasmine plant pleases me greatly as this is the scent of Asia where my love and I fell in love. Ain't that cute.

I can keep you regularly updated on this progress as this could change.

Final P - you guessed it - Planning.

So, yes, The English Rose is getting married. Abroad. Or quite abroad from where she currently resides anyway.

Now we are in the swing of 2014 - so is the planning.

We have got the major things locked in which is good, still need to lock in some entertainment, decor, bridal party outfits, rings, food, drinks, music etc etc.

Apparently there are a lot of elements to a wedding.
But I think I had my 'bridezilla' stressy moments last year when we went back to visit the family and start the planning.

I have since calmed down and 'let go' a bit more as I have realised that planning from the other side of the world can be tricky. But having amazing family and friends back at home makes it a whole world easier.

So today I read through our ceremony details and options - which is actually quite a defining moment. The ceremony is an aspect that is often forgotten or overshadowed by all the frills and stuff you can have to make your wedding day even more special.

Reading the options and the words that we will actually say to each other is quite eye opening. It makes you imagine the moment that you say these vows to each other and makes it feel more real. It also brings a smile to your face when you imagine saying and hearing these words.

More importance needs to be emphasised on the ceremony as this is the defining moment where you become united and the legal recognition of the vows taken.

As I think about the year ahead it is an extremely exciting time. The year will go quickly, as every one does, but this year shall mark the end of an era and the beginning of a new chapter - being a wife and becoming Mrs Currie.

I hope to enjoy every minute of it and not take it for granted.

Well I hope I have satisfied my hungry readers for now.

More on life in Melbourne, plant updates and hopefully less of the politics.

I shall leave you all with a few more P's in my life right now.

Muchos love as ever xoxox

Placebo, Parma, Parsnip Crisps, Papercut and Possums.

This is 27.

So the last 6 weeks have flown by. Must be a sign of getting older.

But to get you up-to-speed - the last post spoke of quitting on my 2nd day of which I have definitely come to realise that i have made the right decision. Hurrah!

I now hold the eagerly awaited 'Manager' status for community fundraising and events at a non-profit organisation that operates direct services to those seeking asylum in Australia. A hot topic indeed.

It is astounding actually how much of an issue this is over here. With the minimal amount of people trying to claim asylum in comparison to the rest of the world - it is a joke. But one with a punch-line that can kill people if they are deported back to their home country. Or die trying to get here.

It's funny because when I sit in our large lunch room downstairs amongst all the staff, volunteers and asylum seeker members it doesn't feel like anyone is a threat to me, my way of life, my beliefs or the country that I now live in. But yet this is a view that is so often taken over here.

The view of many is the same view of the sensationalist mass-media which reflects the view of the current Government. The same view that Today Tonight and A Current Affair are keen to portray to keep their ratings (tabliod-esque sensationalist 'news' programs). I have hope in the fact that if more of the public had access to more information and less opinion, then they might actually be able to form one on their own.

Australia really is a country that often struggles to keep up with the rest of the Western world - gay marriage anyone?

An amazing piece of work that has been recently released by my organisation is this incredible documentary below - it is not a piece of propaganda - but a very fair, funny and heart-warming account of how real people are trying to educate, challenge and change negative perceptions on those seeking asylum.
(And it also features Imogen Bailey, Goyte and Hunters & Collectors!)

This is The Hot Potato: A Road To Transformation (Trailer)

See the full video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zixigIrO23A&feature=share&list=PLIyLjb7qxaQWqnCF_C2N4bFwsHcE_AKew

Anyway, enough of my political opinions for now. Back to being 27.

So this is a big year for me as I shall be married by the time I turn 28. I can't help but feel that this is a big turning year - not only for myself, but for a lot of people.

It is getting to that time where things start to become serious - friends getting engaged, people having babies - all the stuff you know is going to happen at some point, but you still kinda feel too young for it to be happening.

I have found out very recently that an very old friend of mine (who lives in a totally different part of the world) has just given birth to a baby girl. I remember the days we used to bake cakes and sell them to the neighbours and  wash people's cars to make a bit of money. Before the days when even our siblings weren't babies as they hadn't been born yet.

And I found out that another close friend of mine is expecting next year - so by the time I come home, they will already have a 5 month old baby. Crazy!

All of this I guess is escalated by the fact that we are trying to plan the wedding from afar away from family and friends in the UK and away from family in Oz. To be honest, it kind of makes me homesick to think about home and try to plan the most wonderful day when we can't event pop into the venue to ask them a question - or we have to wait up at night for the UK opening hours to give anyone a call.

I can't help but feel that the experience of getting married is completely different to how I thought it would be - not that I ever really thought about weddings - just that I didn't realise it would be so emotionally draining.

The hardest part is feeling like I am missing out on sharing the experience with my nearest and dearest. The best part is now we are working in Melbourne, we can actually afford the wedding!

So I guess this is 27. The turning point in realising real-life, making commitments, understanding what you want and accepting what you can't have. I guess they also call this "being a grown-up".

Much loves to all - I miss you all greatly xxxxx